Sunday, July 5, 2009

Dependence Day


Today is waking, in a canyon, sheer drop beside me. Packing the car and driving 120 miles before breakfast. Since it’s the fourth, nothing is open and we must drive to a bigger town to find sustanence. It’s a shock to sit and eat my eggs with cigarette smoke wafting above our heads. People wearing patriotic clothing. The hostess with the Kelly green highlights telling me her dream is to own a salon in Seattle, and me reassuring her that after growing up different in a small town, it’s possible to escape.

Today is the end of Wyoming, and the beginning of South Dakota. It is bypassing Mt. Rushmore, and heading to Wind Cave National Park. Which is wonderful, and Moona can’t stop pointing at all the wonderful subterranean vistas. I photograph the Yoni of the Mother. Today is baby buffalo, four hundred miles, lotsa map gazing, and rethinking plans and routes. Today is cruising past Wall Drug, and realizing how absolutely uncomfortable I am with these tourist destinations that are really only about profit.

Today is a lot of time in my head, trying to figure it all out. Watching all the hard things come up in the silence of no meaningful adult interactions. There should be a word for self-frustration. Music, not helping very much. What does help is the amazing and wonderful Rob Brezny’s podcast, eight minutes of validating optimism. You can listen to it here:

Today is a lovely garden café dinner in Hot Springs, South Dakota, where ironically enough we don’t visit the hot springs. Today is Badlands National Park by moonlight, better than the fireworks in the distance. Tonight is throwing the tent up in the dark, and moving a sleeping Moona to bed without waking her. Tonight is the full moon coming on, and over the trippy rock formations of the park at that. Tonight is the wise and sane decision to rest, instead of a manic midnight flight across the prairie. Tonight is gratitude for National Parks, and missing my NPS belt. Maybe Joro still has it somewhere, and I can retrieve it.

And even though it was Independence Day all day, and in a very real way I’m enjoying and making use of my freedom, today was ultimately about self-limitations, and the feeling of unfreedom in my soul/life/heartspace. Today was ultimately about realizing dependence on many things, and the desire to do the work to change that.